"Labor Day"

As I've promised from the start, I want to write this blog as honestly as possible. Therefore, I feel it'd be disingenuous to include only the exciting parts of our journey through surrogacy and wanted to share what's going on in my head right now. This whole week is a tough one for me as it brings back a wide range of memories and emotions. It's the 2 year anniversary of a time that changed my life in so many ways-the birth of my amazing little girl and the loss of such a special gift of motherhood. It's also a time that will always remind me of how precious and fragile life is. But today (July 28), the day I call "labor day", is the day that hits me the hardest and I imagine that it will continue to for many years. Two years ago today I went into labor with Brynlee. I so clearly remember the feelings of excitement, the anticipation, and that indescribable closeness that I felt with Thom as we paced the perimeter of the hospital hand in hand. I remember texting all day with friends and family, capturing every detail of my progress (or lack there of!) and playing over and over in my head what that beautiful moment would be like when Brynlee finally arrived. I barely remember the pain (how quickly we forget!) but I do know that, however bad it was, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat if I could. And, of course, the toughest pill to swallow is that I never will. The journey through surrogacy will bless us with another baby but THIS ("labor day") is the day that I'll never get back. I can deal with the emotions of sadness & anger but I really struggle with the feelings of guilt and ungratefulness that come from having these emotions in a time of great joy. I'm not sure if that makes any sense but my little girl turns 2 tomorrow and we have another baby on the way in the belly of someone who has become such a great friend-it seems like there should be no room for negative feelings in the midst of these things. But I wouldn't be honest if I said that I didn't have these thoughts. So, that's really all I have to post today. I apologize that this blog is a bit WAH WAH (as my girls would say)...but it's an honest part of the journey! In honor of the memories, I thought I'd post a picture of the REAL "Labor Day". Not my best look-this was a good 12 hours into labor. :)

Tomorrow brings lots of joy...happy birthday to my little angel-the one who makes it all worth it! Here she is just an hour old, already bright eyed and bushy tailed!

And here is the latest on our newest little joy...we're 14wks 1day! Love this belly!

Oh and one more thing...Happy 3rd birthday to Jackson TODAY!