"Labor Day"

As I've promised from the start, I want to write this blog as honestly as possible. Therefore, I feel it'd be disingenuous to include only the exciting parts of our journey through surrogacy and wanted to share what's going on in my head right now. This whole week is a tough one for me as it brings back a wide range of memories and emotions. It's the 2 year anniversary of a time that changed my life in so many ways-the birth of my amazing little girl and the loss of such a special gift of motherhood. It's also a time that will always remind me of how precious and fragile life is. But today (July 28), the day I call "labor day", is the day that hits me the hardest and I imagine that it will continue to for many years. Two years ago today I went into labor with Brynlee. I so clearly remember the feelings of excitement, the anticipation, and that indescribable closeness that I felt with Thom as we paced the perimeter of the hospital hand in hand. I remember texting all day with friends and family, capturing every detail of my progress (or lack there of!) and playing over and over in my head what that beautiful moment would be like when Brynlee finally arrived. I barely remember the pain (how quickly we forget!) but I do know that, however bad it was, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat if I could. And, of course, the toughest pill to swallow is that I never will. The journey through surrogacy will bless us with another baby but THIS ("labor day") is the day that I'll never get back. I can deal with the emotions of sadness & anger but I really struggle with the feelings of guilt and ungratefulness that come from having these emotions in a time of great joy. I'm not sure if that makes any sense but my little girl turns 2 tomorrow and we have another baby on the way in the belly of someone who has become such a great friend-it seems like there should be no room for negative feelings in the midst of these things. But I wouldn't be honest if I said that I didn't have these thoughts. So, that's really all I have to post today. I apologize that this blog is a bit WAH WAH (as my girls would say)...but it's an honest part of the journey! In honor of the memories, I thought I'd post a picture of the REAL "Labor Day". Not my best look-this was a good 12 hours into labor. :)

Tomorrow brings lots of joy...happy birthday to my little angel-the one who makes it all worth it! Here she is just an hour old, already bright eyed and bushy tailed!

And here is the latest on our newest little joy...we're 14wks 1day! Love this belly!

Oh and one more thing...Happy 3rd birthday to Jackson TODAY!

Meeting Dr. Rees and Hello 2nd Trimester!

Hey everyone! I just wanted to post a quick update-we had our first actual OB appointment! As I mentioned in the last post, we have been under the care of the infertility specialists up until this point. But now we're finally OB patients which means that this pregnancy is well on its way. And coincidentally, the day of the appointment (last Friday) also marked the first day of our second trimester! This is the typical time that most would start to tell friends and family that they're having a baby but I guess we're well past that. :) For those of you who don't know, the reason for the wait is because most complications/miscarriages occur during the first trimester when all the crucial developments are taking place. So, we're VERY happy to have cleared that milestone-WOOHOO!! Anyways, Thom and I flew out to GA on Thursday night after work and got to Columbus around 1am. Unbeknownst to us, our hotel actually "closes" at 11pm so we were a bit shocked to find out that the doors were locked and we couldn't get in! Luckily, I had the number and the late night manager was nice enough to sneak us in. Phew-otherwise I think Laura and the fam may have had a rude awakening to find us pounding on their door for a place to sleep. :) The next morning (or a few hours later, I guess!), Thom and I went for a little tour of Columbus (as Laura says, not much to see!) and found a quaint little restaurant that serves "authentic Southern BBQ" food which Thom was thrilled about. I was also VERY happy to discover that this includes my favorite....FRIED PICKLES! Here is a glimpse of the tasty goodness before they were devoured.

Anyways, onto bigger and better things...the appointment! Dr. Rees, the OB that Laura and I picked out long before we were even pregnant, was great. She has definitely been in the business for awhile and knows her stuff. She's actually the only doctor in the practice which, I guess, increases our chances of actually having OUR doctor deliver the baby. This will be especially great since she'll be the one who knows the whole story and has met not only Laura but Thom and I as well! The whole staff was wonderful-they already knew about our situation coming in and were very welcoming, understanding, and professional. Both the medical assistant and Dr. Rees treated Thom and I like mom and dad-as soon as Dr. Rees entered the room she looked right at me and said "you're going to have a baby!" and also told the medical assistant "you can go get daddy now" when the ultrasound was all ready to go. I know these seem like such little things but they mean a WHOLE lot to me. So, overall we were very pleased with the appointment and, since we weren't expecting another ultrasound, we were pleasantly suprised to get to see our little baby again! Its amazing how just a few weeks can make such a difference in development. This time, we could actually see arms and legs and, overall, the baby looked a lot more like a baby and less like a potato with a hearbeat! :) So, that's really all I have to share today. The trip was very quick (they keep getting shorter!) because, as soon as the appointment was over, we had to hug Laura goodbye and rush to the airport where we barely made our plane! But of COURSE we took a few minutes to snap some pictures in the parking lot (which was apparently very entertaining to a nice lady who was watching and laughing at us from her car). I have to credit Laura for being such a great sport while I posed and re-posed her for all these shots right in the middle of the parking lot. Thanks, Laura! Anyways, here they are!

My attempt at artistic photography. Note the baby is already in proper position!

12 weeks! 2nd trimester begins!

The happy couple! ;-) Next big step...the 20week ultrasound where we'll get a REAL good look at our little one and can choose to find out the gender (thinking we're not going to!!) Thanks for reading!