"Graduation Day"!!

Wow, it's been awhile, huh?? Welcome back! So, yesterday was the long-awaited "graduation day" for our little bean. I say this because Laura was officially released from the care of the Brigham Infertility Clinic and into the care of the OB we've chosen out in GA. I have to start by saying how incredibly blessed we are to have found Laura in our lives. Since we were treated so poorly at the first ultrasound in Georgia, she was selfless enough to put her life on hold (once again!) to travel all the way out here for a 30 minute scan. Laura says that she didn't want to wait any longer to see the baby (and I'm sure there's some truth in that) but I know that her real reason for doing this was because she knew how much it would mean to me. It's a hard thing trying to feel like "the mom" in a surrogate pregnancy. Up to the point of the egg retrieval, I actually felt very involved because I was going to even more appointments than Laura was, I was taking prenatal vitamins, I was going through the "sacrifices of motherhood" by taking shots everyday, and I was the patient. As soon as our embryos were transferred, all of that stopped. From that moment on, the intended mother becomes a bystander in a way and it can be really tough. I'm so glad that I had the one chance to be pregnant with Brynlee but sometimes I feel like knowing what it WAS like makes this process even harder. With Brynlee, I (LITERALLY) had a connection with her from the very beginning. With this pregnancy, whether you call it "my pregnancy" or not, is obviously completely opposite. Even the name "intended mother" sounds so disconnected. Its like "ya, that woman...she's INTENDED to be the mom, but hey things could change". I think thats why it was so disappointing to be treated the way that we were at the last ultrasound. It was almost like, just because I wasn't "their patient", this baby was not my baby! I guess what I'm trying to say is that surrogacy can quickly turn that feeling of "mother-baby connection" into utter disconnection. But that's why I feel so blessed to have Laura. She IS my connection to this baby right now and she has told me since day 1 that she was going to do everything in her power to make me feel like this is my pregnancy. Her coming out here for this ultrasound really confirmed that she meant it because the day could not have gone any better.

The ultrasound probably lasted about a half hour this time and I enjoyed every second of it. Seeing that little baby on the screen was such an incredible experience. With Thom's arms wrapped around me, we watched our little baby's heart beat for the first time and I was immediately reminded of how truly great God is. In less than two years, we have been through hell and back. But, here we are, watching our baby together, just as we would have hoped for had none of this ever happened. It was just such a powerful reminder that "where there is a will, there is a way" because nothing is hopeless with God. The tech was wonderful-she pointed out every little thing from the yolk sac (which will nourish the baby until the placenta matures) to the growing arms and legs. The heart was beating at 179bpm so Laura is guessing girl but Thom is pretty convinced that the umbilical cord is actually something else...:) The baby even jumped a little bit at one point...I'm pretty sure he/she was trying to wave that little arm bud to say "HI MOM & DAD!" :)

When the ultrasound was done, we went upstairs to the clinic to have our final meeting with Dr. Fox. She referred to this as our graduation ceremony. She told us that everything looks perfect and relayed her excitement to all of us. It was nice to see that she truly seemed touched by it all and mentioned that she could clearly remember the very first time she met Thom and I shortly after the hysterectomy. She reminded us of how far we've come since then-and so quickly-and made sure to tell us numerous times that she wanted us to keep her updated on the pregnancy and the delivery. I felt like we were actually important to her, not just another infertility patient. At the end of the visit, she held out the graduation paperwork and said "I'll hand these to you, Kristin". I'm not even sure if Laura or Thom noticed but I sure did because it meant a lot to me. Even though my name may not be on the paperwork and the ultrasound pictures, Dr. Fox was acknowledging that I am the mom and it felt great. And it also felt great that we've moved from infertility to OB. It feels a little bit more like we're having a baby and less like we're part of a science experiment. Sounds strange, but true! And here is our perfect little baby!!

So, as I said, the WHOLE experience was incredible and, thanks to everyone involved, that feeling of disconnect wasn't even on my mind. When all was said and done, Thom, Laura, & I went to lunch at Jerry Remy's and basically stuffed ourselves sick. They aren't lying when they guarantee that EVERY nacho has cheese on it!! Then, it was off to the airport again to say goodbye to Laura. This was by far the shortest trip yet (not even 24hrs!) but I have to say it was also the best. Next big event: The first OB appointment out in GA! We're 9wks 4days along! Yay!

Woah BABY! This is the real thing!

Hi everyone! So, I'm only a day late with the update this time. Excuse me while I pat myself on the back! As hoped, this blog brings good news. BUT, in true Kristin fashion, I'm going to make you wait until the end of my long-winded story to hear just what that news is. And don't let me catch you reading ahead! My mom (AKA "Moo" for those of you who dont know) and I landed in GA around 2:30pm, hopped in our rental car, and arrived at our LOVELY accomodations (my fault-tried to save some money!!) around 5:30pm. After a quick outfit change and a tour of our spacious 5 sq ft lobby, we met Laura, Calvin, Kaydence, Logan, and their friend Jess at their favorite dinner spot, "Fuji". Laura had mentioned that they frequent that place and we joked that I should try out the place where my baby would get most of its nourisment but, wow, she wasn't kidding! As soon as we walked in, we were surrounded by wait staff and others anxious to greet us with open arms. I think Kaydence may very well have known the name and story of every employee in there... and made sure to introduce us as well! She is certainly not shy! Anyways, the food was excellent and, aside from almost getting our brows singed off by the first big hibachi flame, "Mama" (thats what the chef kept calling Moo) and I had a great time with Laura and her family. When we got back to the hotel, Moo and I had a hankering for a glass of wine. You'd think this would be a simple request but you can't buy alcohol on Sundays there so we were advised to go to Alabama. Since Columbus is right on the border of Alabama, Moo and I decided we weren't too pathetic to cross state lines for a bottle of wine and off we went. We got just a little lost and our ten minute wine trip turned into more like an hour but at least we got a tour of the area! Whats a mini vacation without some good ol' fashioned sight seeing anyways? Once back at the hotel, Moo and I sat by the pool with our well deserved wine, had some good chats, made friends with a stray cat, and then headed to bed. All in all, it was a great day. Well, I'll tell you I didnt sleep much at all that night. All day I kept talking about how excited I was to get into bed but, once I was there, my mind would NOT stop racing. I kept thinking about how crazy it was that we were actually there to go to the first ultrasound for this new life! After the hysterectomy, another baby just seemed like such a far fetched thing for awhile. Even after getting into the surrogacy process, there was just ALWAYS another step in between us and the end result that we were waiting for. And after all we'd been through to get there, the whole thing just seemed too surreal. It was like I had waited forever for this moment yet, at the very same time, I felt like it had all happened so quickly. I kept wondering if we'd see a heartbeat or if it was too early, if we'd find out the due date, and if I'd actually feel like the mom or like just a bystander. I wondered whether there'd be one or two babies in there and, of course, worried a bit that there wouldn't be any at all. There were just so many questions/thoughts running through my head. Either way, I knew that the next morning would leave a big mark in my life, whether a good one or a bad one. I think all that MAY have had something to do with my inability to sleep. Just a hunch. :) Anyways, morning FINALLY came and Laura picked us up for the appointment. I guess I should have known that we weren't off to the best start when Laura told us that the clinic had called her to come in earlier and that they were unhappy when she said that she couldn't. I'm not sure if this set them off or if they are just nasty people but the rest of the morning did NOT go as we had expected (or maybe hoped). I won't bother going into detail because it just makes me mad and obviously whats done is done but we were not treated well. Basically, we were whisked into a room, Laura was told to change, two ultrasound techs came in without introduction and performed the ultrasound in less than a minute, making sure to turn the screen away so that neither Laura or I could watch. As the two techs were about to walk out of the room, it must have been our jaws on the ground that tipped one of them off to the fact that we were waiting for an explanation. She very rudely said "you aren't our patient so we cant tell you anything or give you a picture. You'll have to wait til we fax the results to your clinic" and walked out the door. Everyone keeps asking me why none of us spoke up or asked for a manager. I can honestly say that the three of us were in shock about what had just happened. I still can't really believe it. Maybe we shouldnt have gone in with such high expectations but I never thought things would go that way. And I dont tell that story to complain or gather sympathy. I just feel that, in order to truly share this experience from the eyes of the "intended mother", I have to include the difficult parts as well. I guess it's all part of the journey. And that's all I'll say about that! After the appointment, we got to see Laura's home and spent some time with Kaydence and Logan. Around 11, Laura brought Moo and I back to our hotel and we were off again to the airport. What a whirlwind!! We got to the aiport a bit early and ended up with an hour delay so Moo and I got to spend some more quality time together which was nice. FINALLY, around 4pm or so I saw the familiar phone number come up on my phone...it was the Brigham with our news! We have a baby! And I can now say (with a teensy sigh of relief) that there is only one. Don't get me wrong, I would have felt extremely blessed if we found out that we were having twins. BUT I feel equally as blessed to know that there is hope for sleep in my future! The nurse said that she had limited information from the GA clinic (shocking!) but that there is one baby, IN the uterus (that means its not a tubal pregnancy), with a positive heartbeat, measuring at 6wks and 2days. Based on the timing of the egg retrieval and transfer, Laura would have been 6wks and 3days pregnant on Monday so the baby is growing right on track! We are all VERY excited to hear the news and look forward to the next ultrasound at 8wks (which will now be done out here at the Brigham-phew!). This time, we should be able to see the embryo and the heartbeat and then Laura will officially be "graduated" from the Brigham's care into the care of her OB out in GA (totally separate from the clinic where we had the U/S in case you're wondering). So YAY for good news!! I was actually laughing to myself when I began to write this blog because, as I was about to write "ITS OFFICIAL", I realized that I have said that a good four times now (the home test, the two blood tests, and now)! I guess that's the beauty of this situation, right? Who else gets to celebrate the "I'm pregnant" news FOUR TIMES?? But the real beauty is that, with every "It's official", the dream of another baby becomes more of a reality. If all continues to go well, we will be welcoming another baby to the McNamara clan on or around January 25, 2013!! As Laura would say, T-235 days!!