"Graduation Day"!!

Wow, it's been awhile, huh?? Welcome back! So, yesterday was the long-awaited "graduation day" for our little bean. I say this because Laura was officially released from the care of the Brigham Infertility Clinic and into the care of the OB we've chosen out in GA. I have to start by saying how incredibly blessed we are to have found Laura in our lives. Since we were treated so poorly at the first ultrasound in Georgia, she was selfless enough to put her life on hold (once again!) to travel all the way out here for a 30 minute scan. Laura says that she didn't want to wait any longer to see the baby (and I'm sure there's some truth in that) but I know that her real reason for doing this was because she knew how much it would mean to me. It's a hard thing trying to feel like "the mom" in a surrogate pregnancy. Up to the point of the egg retrieval, I actually felt very involved because I was going to even more appointments than Laura was, I was taking prenatal vitamins, I was going through the "sacrifices of motherhood" by taking shots everyday, and I was the patient. As soon as our embryos were transferred, all of that stopped. From that moment on, the intended mother becomes a bystander in a way and it can be really tough. I'm so glad that I had the one chance to be pregnant with Brynlee but sometimes I feel like knowing what it WAS like makes this process even harder. With Brynlee, I (LITERALLY) had a connection with her from the very beginning. With this pregnancy, whether you call it "my pregnancy" or not, is obviously completely opposite. Even the name "intended mother" sounds so disconnected. Its like "ya, that woman...she's INTENDED to be the mom, but hey things could change". I think thats why it was so disappointing to be treated the way that we were at the last ultrasound. It was almost like, just because I wasn't "their patient", this baby was not my baby! I guess what I'm trying to say is that surrogacy can quickly turn that feeling of "mother-baby connection" into utter disconnection. But that's why I feel so blessed to have Laura. She IS my connection to this baby right now and she has told me since day 1 that she was going to do everything in her power to make me feel like this is my pregnancy. Her coming out here for this ultrasound really confirmed that she meant it because the day could not have gone any better.

The ultrasound probably lasted about a half hour this time and I enjoyed every second of it. Seeing that little baby on the screen was such an incredible experience. With Thom's arms wrapped around me, we watched our little baby's heart beat for the first time and I was immediately reminded of how truly great God is. In less than two years, we have been through hell and back. But, here we are, watching our baby together, just as we would have hoped for had none of this ever happened. It was just such a powerful reminder that "where there is a will, there is a way" because nothing is hopeless with God. The tech was wonderful-she pointed out every little thing from the yolk sac (which will nourish the baby until the placenta matures) to the growing arms and legs. The heart was beating at 179bpm so Laura is guessing girl but Thom is pretty convinced that the umbilical cord is actually something else...:) The baby even jumped a little bit at one point...I'm pretty sure he/she was trying to wave that little arm bud to say "HI MOM & DAD!" :)

When the ultrasound was done, we went upstairs to the clinic to have our final meeting with Dr. Fox. She referred to this as our graduation ceremony. She told us that everything looks perfect and relayed her excitement to all of us. It was nice to see that she truly seemed touched by it all and mentioned that she could clearly remember the very first time she met Thom and I shortly after the hysterectomy. She reminded us of how far we've come since then-and so quickly-and made sure to tell us numerous times that she wanted us to keep her updated on the pregnancy and the delivery. I felt like we were actually important to her, not just another infertility patient. At the end of the visit, she held out the graduation paperwork and said "I'll hand these to you, Kristin". I'm not even sure if Laura or Thom noticed but I sure did because it meant a lot to me. Even though my name may not be on the paperwork and the ultrasound pictures, Dr. Fox was acknowledging that I am the mom and it felt great. And it also felt great that we've moved from infertility to OB. It feels a little bit more like we're having a baby and less like we're part of a science experiment. Sounds strange, but true! And here is our perfect little baby!!

So, as I said, the WHOLE experience was incredible and, thanks to everyone involved, that feeling of disconnect wasn't even on my mind. When all was said and done, Thom, Laura, & I went to lunch at Jerry Remy's and basically stuffed ourselves sick. They aren't lying when they guarantee that EVERY nacho has cheese on it!! Then, it was off to the airport again to say goodbye to Laura. This was by far the shortest trip yet (not even 24hrs!) but I have to say it was also the best. Next big event: The first OB appointment out in GA! We're 9wks 4days along! Yay!